Feeling helpless, feeling worthless...
The outcome is disappointment.

I cant say that to myself anymore...

After the whole thing, I watched the others...
Admired them, and imagining, how is that they manage to pull through and to you know push themselves...
It's an admirable kind of spirit that I wished to have...
It's very funny how I starts to get so tensed up and before or after the whole thing, I am so relaxed...
I really am very bad at this.